Right.
Fantastic.
It's beautiful.
- You sure this is gonna work? - Yes.
You sure?
Yes, hurry. Do it.
My God!
We killed him.
Tor?
Better than wrestling.
Lights!
Now, Janet, I want you staying away
from that old Willows place. I want...
Now, Janet, I w...
- Great. - I want you...
- Connie! - I want you staying away...
- The octopus has to live in the lake. - This is kind of a stream.
No! It has to be underwater.
Let me look at this. Okay.
Go set up by the lake.
Eddie. I'm so tired.
I don't know if I can handle a night shoot.
- Nonsense. You look great.
All right, look.
Why don't you have a nice nap and we'll shoot around you a little while.
- Thanks, buddy. - You're welcome.
All right, you kids.
Hey, this is looking fantastic!
Paul, where's the octopus motor?
- What octopus motor? - To make his legs move.
Don't blame me! You didn't say anything about a motor when I was on the ceiling!
What's he talking...
Paul lost the octopus motor.
All right, let's shoot this fucker.
Great.
Where do I go?
- You'll be fighting with the octopus. - Out there?
- Yes. - What happened to the stream?
Well, this is gonna look a lot better.
We have to match it to the stock footage of the octopus underwater.
Aw, for Christ's sake.
Ehh.
- Goddamn, it's cold! - It'll warm up once you're in it.
Fuck you! You come out here!
Hey! Throw me that whisky!
Ahh. How do you turn this on?
Well... somebody misplaced the octopus motor
so when you get in there and fight with him, shake his legs around.
Looks like he's killing you. Okay.
You know I turned down Frankenstein?
- What? - After I did Dracula
the studio offered me Frankenstein, but I turned it down.
Part wasn't sexy enough.
Too degrading for a big star like me.
Bela... I have 25 scenes to shoot tonight.
Oh. Sorry. Don't let me slow you down.
Okay. All right?
All right.
All right, let's put it on film!
- Camera! - We're rolling!
- Sound! - Ed, we don't have sound.
Oh.
And... action!
And... cut!
That was perfect!
Come on! Come on, troops!
Have a nice cup of joe, you'll feel much better.
All right. All right, Harry.
Mr Wood? I only got one hour of sleep last night.
Yeah, well, I got no sleep, and I feel great. Go get 'em, kid, go get 'em.
- I'm getting too old for this. - Great work, Bill.
Go ahead. Go get 'em.
Be careful. Don't hurt him.
Don't scratch the tentacles.
Bela...
I wanna thank you again for last night.
That's fine, Eddie. All in the line of duty.
No, no, I want you to know how much I appreciate all you've done for me.
A great man like yourself shouldn't have to be wandering through the muck at 4:00 a.m.
Well, there are not a lot of fellas I'd do it for.
Say, I wrote something special for you.
I got to thinking about all the sacrifices you've made and I...
Well, I wrote you a...
a new final speech.
Well, this is quite a scene, Eddie.
I know it's a lot to give you at the last minute, Bela, but...
These lines...
I'll have no problem remembering.
Great.
All right, kids, let's knock 'em dead.
My dear Professor Strowski...
twenty years ago I was banned from my homeland.
I was classed as a madman, a charlatan.
Outlawed in the world of science
which previously honoured me as a genius.
Now here
in this forsaken jungle hell
I have proven that I am all right!
Yes!
The authorities have learned how correct your findings were.
So I am here...
to bring you home.
Home?
I have no home.
Hunted.
Despised.
Living like an animal!
The jungle is my home.
But I shall show the world
that I can be its master!
I shall perfect my own race of people,
a race of atomic supermen
that will conquer the world!
Cut.
That's a wrap.
Glen Or Glenda? Now, that was a hell of a picture.
Yeah, but this new one is gonna be a million times better.
Is that possible?
Mr Bunny, what's wrong?
I heard you were becoming a lady.
Oh, that.
Mexico...
was...
a nightmare.
We got into a car accident; he was killed.
Our luggage...
was stolen.
The surgeon turned out to be...
a quack.
If it hadn't been for these men...
I don't know...
how I would've...
survived.
Oh, wow!
You people are insane!
You're wasting your lives making shit!
Nobody cares! These movies are terrible!
Dolores!
Ed, it's over. I need a normal life.
- Did you really mean those things you sa... - I'm tired of living like this.
- But, Poodle... - I just stuck it out so you could finish your movie
and now that's it's done, so am I.
Ooh, that was so scary, it gave me goose bumps.
No, dummy, I didn't say "goose," I said "goose bumps."
Well, be sure to join me next week for The Mummy's Curse.
Until then, pleasant nightmares.
- Okay, folks, we're off the air. - That was a good show.
God, this show needs better jokes.
- You got a phone call. - Who is it?
I don't know.
- Hello. - Vampira? Ed Wood here.
- Who? - Ed Wood.
- Remember, I met you at the Brown Derby? - Oh, yeah, you.
Listen, I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime, grab some dinner maybe.
- You mean a date? I thought you were a fag. - No, I'm just a transvestite.
So, how's about Friday night?
Look, you seem like a nice guy, but you're just not my type.
But keep in touch. Let me know when your movie opens.
Hello?
Eddie, help me.
Bela?
Bela!
What do you want?
You called me. Remember?
What are you doing, Bela?
I'm going to kill myself.
My gosh, what happened?
Eddie.
I got a letter from the government.
They're cancelling my...
unemployment.
It's all I've got.
Without it, I can't pay the rent.
Don't you have any savings?
Eddie, I'm obsolete.
I have nothing to live for.
Tonight, I shall die.
Eddie!
You should come with me.
- I don't think that's such a good idea. - It's a wonderful idea.
It'll be wonderful! We'll be at peace!
In the afterlife, you don't have to worry about finding work.
Bela...
I'm on your side.
Gimme the gun.
If you give me the gun...
I'll make you a drink.
What are you drinking, Bela?
Formaldehyde.
Straight up, or on the rocks?
Eddie.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Don't worry, Bela.
- I'm sorry, Eddie. - Everything will be okay.
Oh, my goodness, you gave me the willies!
You look like that Dracula guy.
My name is Bela Lugosi...
and I wish to commit myself.
For what reason?
I have been a drug addict for twenty years.
I need help.
Is that angora?
Um, yes.
Don't you think angora has a tactile sensuality
lacking in all other clothing?
Yeah, I suppose.
It is awfully expensive.
Well, it's made from specially-bred rabbits
that live in the Himalayas.
Say, what are you, an angora wholesaler?
No.
I'm in pictures.
I'm a director, writer, actor and producer.
Aw, come on. Nobody does all that.
Oh, yes, they do. Two people.
Orson Welles and me.
Wow.
- Whatcha making? - Booties. For my father.
- Gets cold in the hospital. - Mmm.
- Has he been here long? - This is my thirteenth pair.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, Doctor.
I'm with Mr Lugosi. How is he?
Well, there's a lot of junk in his system for such an old man.
Apparently he was addicted to morphine,
and then he tried to kick that and he got readdicted to methadone.
- Is he gonna be okay? - We'll do our best.
- Hi, Lillian. - Oh, hi, Ed. He's got a lot of visitors today.
- He does? - Mm-hmm.
Smile. That's it!
- Hey! Hey! - One more picture, sir?
- Do the doctors say you're gonna get outta here? - Freaks!
Get outta here! Get outta here!
What is wrong with you people? Come on, trash barrel!
Hey!
Bela, what happened?
Eddie, why did you chase them?
After all these years, the press is finally interested again in Bela Lugosi.
Bela...
those people are parasites; they just wanna exploit you.
Fine. Let them.
There is no such thing as bad press, Eddie.
Man from New York even said he's putting me on the front page.
First celebrity ever to check into rehab.
When I get out of here...
I will be healthy...
strong...
primed for my comeback...
Hello again.
- Hi. - You look beat.
No, I'm fine. How's your father?
Better. Thank you for asking. And your friend?
Not good.
Well, I made him some booties to cheer him up.
They're black, to match his cape.
Say, have you always lived in Los Angeles?
No, I'm from back east. Poughkeepsie.
You know... all-American small town; everybody knows everybody;
my dad worked for the post office; I was a Boy Scout.
- Did you find it boring? - No, not at all.
I had my comic books and pulp magazines.
- Used to listen to radio dramas constantly. - I love those shows.
- The Shadow, Inner Sanctum. - Yes.
- And the Mercury Theater with Orson Welles. - Mmm.
Boy, you know, every Saturday afternoon me and my dad
marched down the street in our uniform to the little movie theatre.
Oh, the spook house!
You're not gonna believe the first picture I ever saw.
It was your friend's... Dracula.
- That's incredible; that's the first picture I ever saw. - That is incredible.
- You know, I had to sleep with the lights on for a week. - I had to sleep with the lights on for a month.
But I never missed a Lugosi picture after that one.
A few years ago I actually saw him do Dracula live.
It was much scarier in person.
Oh. We're stuck.
Kathy...
I'm about to tell you something that I never told any girl on a first date.
But I think it's important that you know...
I like to wear women's clothes.
- Huh? - I like to wear women's clothes.
Panties, brassieres, sweaters, pumps.
It's just something I do.
And I can't believe I'm telling you this, but I really like you
and I don't want it getting in the way down the road.
Does this mean... you don't like sex with girls?
No, I love sex with girls.
Okay.
Okay?
Okay.
You see, we thought that Mr Lugosi was insured through his union.
- Isn't he? - No, they say his eligibility ran out years ago.
Look, Doctor...
he doesn't have any money.
But I'll give you everything I've got; a few hundred dollars.
That won't even begin to cover it. He's gonna have to leave.
Bela? Bela, wake up.
I've got some great news. The doctor says you're all better; you can go home now.
Really?
I don't feel so great.
No? Well, you look just peachy.
And, uh, the tests came back fine.
Come on, let's get up.
Here we go.
Atta boy. Good.
Eddie...
I want to make another picture.
When are we going to make another picture?
Oh... soon, Bela. Very soon.
This is so exciting.
Another production.
Isn't it?
So, Eddie, shouldn't we have a sound crew?
Uh, no, no, because this is just second unit stuff.
We're gonna do the main footage later. All right?
So, what's this scene about?
Um...
You're a very important and respected man.
And you're leaving your house; you're in a hurry.
You're on your way to a big social brouhaha. Okay?
Eddie. What if I'm not in so big a hurry?
What if I take a moment to slow down;
to savour the beauty of life;
to, to smell a budding flower?
That's great. That is great.
Let's do a take. Okay?
Ed, I'm really busy.
- What do you want now? - Listen, I was calling to see if you'd like to attend
the world premiere of my new movie, Bride Of The Monster.
- Didn't you just make one called Bride Of The Atom? - Yes, it's the same film.
But the distributor wanted a punchier title.
Come on, it's gonna be a big event; Bela, Tor and Cris are coming. You'll have fun!
Uhh! I can't see.
These contact lenses are hurting.
My eyes are killing me.
Don't worry. We're almost there.
Hi.
Right in there. Thank God you're here. They're tearing up the place.
Come on, come on!
Come on, this way.
Come on!
- I've never been to a movie premiere before!
Well, go knock 'em dead.
- Oooh!
At the stroke of midnight...
the witching hour...
the ghouls arise...
from the dead!
- Hey, Vampira, how about a little love! - Fuck off!
- One of them stole my wallet!
- I can't see! - Get off me! Let's go!
- I gotta save 'em!
Get your heads down! Come on, let's go! We're getting the heck outta here!
Can't see!
I can't see any more!
Hey, come on! Let's split!
- Taxi!
- Stop! - Get in! Come on! Go on, get in!
Now, that was a premiere.
Eddie...
last night was quite a romp.
Did you see that kid grab Vampira's boobies?
I envied him. Hell, I envied you too.
A girlfriend who would jump in front of a car like that.
Yes, she is quite something.
None of my wives would have.
Eddie, I want to thank you.
These last few days have been...
a good time.
You know, I just...
- I just wish you coulda seen the movie. - Ahh.
No problem.
I know it by heart.
Home.
I have no home.
Hunted!
Despised.
Living like an animal!
The jungle is my home.
But I shall show the world
that I can be its master!
I shall perfect my own race of people,
a race of atomic supermen
that will conquer the world!
Uh, Mr Lugosi, could I have your autograph, please?
- Certainly. - Why, that was... That was incredible.
- I mean, you're just as great as you ever were. - Better.
I am 74, but I don't know it.
When the brain is young
the spirit is still... vigorous...
like... like a young man.
"And left the planet Mars...
never to return again."
The end.
- Mmm.
Wood Productions.
Hey, who's crazy idea was it to bury him in the cape?
I heard it was in the will; it was how he wanted to be remembered.
Could you run it again?
Mr Wood!
- Huh? - Uh, Mr Wood, this is Mr Reynolds, your landlord.
Could you please open up?
One minute.
- Yes? - Uh, Mr Wood, you have bounced your third and final rent cheque.
I'm terribly sorry.
My stockbroker must've transferred the wrong account.
- Come on in. I'll write you another cheque.
Ahh. I see you're in the picture business.
- Yes. - I'm interested in the picture business.
My associates and I, we wish to produce a series of uplifting religious films
about the apostles.
But unfortunately, we don't have enough money.
Well, raising money's tough.
No, our church has enough money for one film.
We just don't have enough for all twelve.
Well, you know what you do?
You produce a film in a commercially-proven genre
and then after it's a hit, you take the profits from that and make the 12 apostles movies.
- Would that work? - Absolutely.
Let me show you something.
You see this script?
Grave Robbers From Outer Space.
Money in the bank.
Grave robbers from what?
From outer space. It's science fiction. Very big with the kids.
If you make this picture, you'll have enough money to finance a hundred religious films
and pay my back rent with the profits.
I don't know. This is, um, all a lot to absorb.
It's a guaranteed blockbuster.
Mmm.
I understand this science fiction is very popular, but, um...
don't the big hits always have big stars?
- Well, we have a big star... Bela Lugosi. - Bela Lugosi...
Oh, I thought he passed on.
Yes. Yes, he did.
But...
- I've got the last footage he ever shot. - Doesn't look like very much.
Mr Reynolds, this is the acorn that will grow a great oak.
I'll just get a double to finish his scenes
and we'll release it as Bela Lugosi's final film.
Bunny? We're making another movie.
Yes, I got the Baptist Church of Beverly Hills to put up the cash.
Ed, I got the Lugosi doubles outside.
Bunny, I gotta go.
He's too short.
He's too tall.
He's just not going to work.
Well, Ed, I was thinking like when Bela played Fu Manchu.
- Paul, that was Karloff. - Oh.
- You're gonna have to try harder. - Okay.
- Try to be a cut above. Go get 'em. - Okay. Right.
Keep Sunday open; the producers want us to get baptised. Okay.
You know, hon, when you rewrite a script, it just gets better and better.
This is the ultimate Ed Wood movie. No compromises.
Oh, my.
- Eddie, look at this. - Hmm?
What?
Poor girl's out of a job.
I brought the script. You'll be portraying the ghoul's wife.
- The ghoul's wife? - Yes.
You should feel lucky.
Eddie's the only fella in town who doesn't pass judgement on people.
That's right. If I did, I wouldn't have any friends.
Look, would it be possible to make the ghoul's wife a little less prominent
so people wouldn't really notice me in the movie? - You don't want to be noticed?
Yeah. How about this? What if I don't have any lines? I'll play the part mute.
- Mute? - Hey, it's Dr Tom.
- Dr Tom! Hiya! - Who's Dr Tom?
- He's my chiropractor. - Hey, Kathy. How are you?
- Fine, thanks. - Well, look at you.
You're looking in alignment today.
Well, actually, my neck is a little funny.
Now, here, let me fix that.
Ooh!
My gosh!
Don't move.
It's uncanny.
Look at his head! It's uncanny!
Lift up your voice
and let us sing
Alleluia, alleluia
He look nothing like Bela.
He's kinda got his ears.
Oh, look. Cover your face with this.
Oh. Now I can see it.
I want to suck your blood.
I want to suck your blood!
Let's hear you call Boris Karloff a cocksucker.
Shh!
We want these Baptists to like us. Please.
Alleluia
Brothers and sisters
we reach now in the service a joyous point
because we are going to bear witness to the baptism of our new members.
Why couldn't we do this in the church?
Because Brother Tor couldn't fit in the sacred tub.
Welcome to the fold, brother.
- Do you accept Jesus Christ as your personal saviour? - Yes!
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
- Amen.
Welcome to the fold, brother. Welcome.
Praise the Lord, brother.
Do you reject Satan and all his evils?
Sure.
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.
Praise the Lord, friends!
- Do you repent for all your sins? - I do.
How do you do it? How do you get all your friends to get baptised
just so you can make a monster movie? - It's not a monster movie.
- It's a supernatural thriller. - Come to Jesus, brother!
I can't believe this.
- Ed, what am I gonna do here? - What do you mean?
- He has no hair. - Gee, I never noticed that. Put a wig on him!
Before we start shooting, Mr Wood, we have a few questions.
Yes. The script contains numerous references to grave robbing.
Now, we find the concept of digging up consecrated ground to be highly offensive.
- It is blasphemy. - What are you talking about? It's the premise of the movie.
- It's the title of the movie, for Christ's sakes! - Mr Wood!
Yes, about that title.
It strikes us as very inflammatory.
Why don't we change it to Plan 9 From Outer Space?
Ha! That's ridiculous.
All right. And, action!
Medical examiner been around yet?
Just left. The morgue wagon oughta be along most any time.
- You get their statement? - Yeah, but they're pretty scared.
Fine mess like this will frighten anyone.
You have one of the boys, uh...
take the guy and the girl back to town; you take charge!
What'd you give him all the lines for? He's unintelligible.
Lugosi's dead and Vampira won't talk; I had to give somebody the dialogue!
That is no answer!
What about glitter?
When I was a headliner in Paris, audiences always liked it when I sparkled.
No!
- Cat's eyes! - No!
- Well, I'm going to need some antennae. - No!
You're the ruler of the galaxy! Show a little taste!
See? No talking. Isn't he good?
- Cue Dr Tom. - Now?
Yes, now. Lurk him.
Be sure and keep your face covered.
Isn't it wonderful? Bela lives.
Doesn't it strike you as a bit morbid?
No. He would've loved it.
Bela's returned from the grave.
Just like Dracula. Cue Vampira.
Cut!
Let's go down and find out whose grave it is.
Oh, why do I always get hooked up with these spook details?
Monsters, graves, bodies!
Cue flying saucer.
And cut! Print. We're moving on.
- That was perfect. - Perfect? Mr Wood,
do you know anything about the art of film production?
Well, I like to think so.
That cardboard headstone tipped over.
This graveyard is obviously phoney.
Nobody will ever notice that.
Filmmaking is not about the tiny details. It's about the big picture.
- The big picture? - Yes.
How about when the policemen arrived in daylight, but now it's suddenly night?
What do you know? Haven't you heard of suspension of disbelief?
Reverend, I'm here.
- Oh. - Who is he?
This is our choir director.
He's gonna play the young hero.
Are you people insane? I'm the director!
I make the casting decisions around here!
I thought this was a group effort.
No!
No?
They're driving me crazy!
These Baptists are... stupid, stupid, stupid!
Okay. I gotta calm down.
Gotta calm down.
Take a deep breath.
Relax.
All right, everybody. Let's get set up for scene 112.
Move the crypt stage left, and let's get Tor's make-up effect ready.
Mr Wood!
- What do you think you're doing? - I'm directing.
Not like that you're not!
Remove that get-up immediately!
You shame our Lord.
That's it! I can't take it!
Take me to the nearest bar, and make it snappy!
Imperial Whisky.
Oh, my gosh.
Orson Welles.
- Excuse me, sir? - Yes?
Um... Well, I'm a young filmmaker and a real big fan.
I... I just wanted to meet you.
My pleasure. I'm Orson Welles.
I'm, uh, Edward D. Wood, Jr.
What you working on?
Well, the financing just fell through for the third time on Don Quixote.
You know, I can't believe it.
That sounds just exactly like my problems.
It's the damn money men. They never know who's a windbag and who's got the goods.
Then they all think they're directors.
Ain't that the truth? Do you know that I've even had producers re-cut my movies?
- I hate when that happens. - And they're always trying to cast their buddies.
It doesn't even matter if they're right for the part.
Tell me about it. I'm supposed to do a thriller at Universal
but they want Charlton Heston to play a Mexican.
Ah, Mr Welles. Is it all worth it?
It is when it works.
You know, the one film of mine where I had total control, Kane?
The studio hated it
but they didn't get to touch a frame.
- Ed. - Yes?
Visions are worth fighting for.
Why spend your life making someone else's dreams?
Thank you... Orson.
- Mr Reynolds. - Yes.
We are gonna finish this picture just the way I want it
because you cannot compromise an artist's vision.
- But it's our money. - And you're gonna make a bundle
but only if you shut up and let me do things my way.
All right, gang. Actors in positions. Let's finish this picture.
Action.
Wanna give him a hand? Keep rolling.
Now that's an alien.
Action.
- What plan will you follow now? - Plan 9.
Plan 9? Ah, yes.
Plan 9 deals with the resurrection of the dead.
Long-distance electrodes shot into the pineal and pituitary glands
of the recent dead.
You know, maybe you guys were right. "Plan 9" is a good title.
I want that lightning, I want those two explosions
- and I've got to have more shots of the military! - Right.
And cut.
All right, friends. Prepare for scene 32.
- Mr. Wood? - Yeah?
- Where's the cockpit set? - You're standing in it. Places!
But what if we develop this solenite bomb?
Then we'd be a stronger nation too.
"Stronger." You see?
Your stupid minds.
Stupid. Stupid!
- That's all I'm gonna take outta you! - Oh!
Cut!
Action.
Greetings, my friend.
We are all interested in the future
for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.
And remember, my friend:
Future events such as these will effect you in the future.
And... cut!
That's a wrap.
Oh!
I can't get it up. It's stuck.
Eddie, you're gonna be late for your own premiere.
All right, forget it.
Ladies and gentlemen.
You are about to see an extraordinary motion picture.
But before it begins, I think we should all give a hand to the man
without whom we wouldn't be here tonight.
Eddie, take a bow!
Thank you.
I just wanna say that this film...
is for Bela.
The grief of his wife's death
became greater and greater agony.
The home they had so long shared together
became a tomb
a sweet memory of her joyous living.
The sky to which he had once looked
was now only a covering for her dead body.
The ever-beautiful flowers she had planted
with her own hands
became nothing more than the lost roses of her cheeks.
Confused by his great loss
the old man left that home
never to return again.
This is the one.
This is the one I'll be remembered for.
Aw, gee, honey, I'm so happy for you!
Say, let's get married.
- Huh? - Right now. Let's go to Vegas.
But, Eddie, it's pouring, and the car top is stuck.
Phooey! It's only a five-hour drive
and it'll probably stop by the time we get to the desert.
Heck, it'll probably stop by the time we get around the corner. Let's go.
Oh!